It's Been Far Too Long

Until right now, I completely forgot about my once-love for blogging. That five minutes each day taking the time to write about something important or on your mind. It's not that I haven't had anything important to blog about, I've had plenty go down in the past seven (and a half) months. For the sake of anyone who might possibly read this (and so I don't forget), I'll recap two thousand nine for you.

I started out the year completely heartbroken. I had just been broken up with by someone I truly cared about, but on a happier note, I was a newly declared vegetarian. By February, I had developed feelings for two other people, one being my current boyfriend, and one being my "ex". I use the term "ex" in quotations because he was never really a "boyfriend." My mom used to tell me that when we were together, and I'd cry and scream until she took it back.

I try to forget about the feelings that occured in those few months I spent on him. They were real feelings on my part, but it became clear that they couldn't have been real on his. He was a father, with a girlfriend, who he had been seeing for a year. I was only meant to be his best friend. He knew that. Still, though, he manipulated me into feeling what he wanted me to feel.

That behind me, there was a very important event occuring in my life. I was falling in love--genuine love--and I barely even knew it. April twentysecond was a field trip with my Honors English and History classes to Mideval Times. Not the most exciting field trip, but I didn't have my mind on knights that day. I dragged that poor boy everywhere with me, not realizing that I may have been turning him off or freaking him out. I could barely help myself, I needed him close to me. I remember wanting to kiss him more than anything that day, but I was too shy.

Unfortunately for me, four days after that trip on which I discovered my ever-present love for Eric Mauro, he started dating someone else. My ex-bestfriend, and a well known "skankbag". I could barely handle it. I remember texting him "So you like her?" and he texted me back saying "I love her." I cried so hard, I could barely breathe. Even within the next few days, when I finally gathered the courage to admit my feelings, he blew me off for her. I felt so broken by what he did, almost a little betrayed. I spent a long time working up a friendship and I didn't want to ruin it. I even liked him the previous schoolyear. To hear him say "too bad" was like watching a puppy drown...

Much to his (and my) discontent, she broke up with him barely a month later, leaving him completely sad. His first girlfriend and first kiss had left him for someone else. I felt legitimate sadness. I was there for him throughout the recovery process, rebuilding our friendship. In history, we'd pass notes constantly, and it was just like everything I'd always wanted from a boy. He didn't want anything physical from me, just me for me. Even as a friend, it was perfect. The time came, though, when I could barely handle just being friends. I'd be giggling each time I got a text. When I was ready, I asked him, "Hypothetically speaking, what if I liked you?" to which he replied, "Hypothetically speaking, I'd like you too."

It was absolutely perfect. I've never felt so beautiful in my life. A yearlong friendship leading up to the most real relationship. Our first kiss together was on a dare, in lunch. Both of us were so nervous, I wound up slinging my arm around him pulling him awkwardly close, then stopping to ask, "Is it alright if I kiss you?"

The past seven months have been generally happy for me, a definite change from how things used to be. A blissful array of boyfriend, bestfriend, school work, and amazing music. As for the music, I'm currently recommending Enter Shikari, Dropout Year, and Family Force 5. Quite a diverse selection, however I love music.

And as for 2010 rolling in, I welcome it. May it bring change for the better in my life in yours. Maybe my mom and I can run away, or maybe things will actually work out so that we can stay happily. Whatever the case, I'm excited. Let this year be the start of a better life, and a better me.