So, starting out this day, it's first period. I'm extremely tired, and will probably fall asleep in lab bio while Mrs. Wright charges my iPod. [she's reallllly cool like that.] On this day, I will have to skip Spanish class, just to avoid telling Senora that I didn't do my project yet, and I probably should skip English, because I didn't do my research paper due Monday for that class. I'll figure out a cover up for that one though. When the time comes.
I really don't have anything to write about, and for that, I am deeply deeply sorry. I'm not having a very inspirational point in life. Usually the things that inspire me, are the things I can't write about. If you knew what that meant, you'd understand why I can't write about them. [in fact, I'm pretty sure the two of you that have read this know, but still.]
Actually, at 7:59 AM on Thursday, May 14th, I'm thinking about yesterday. I got a very nice kiss yesterday. Nice enough, obviously, to stay in my mind. I don't think he realized how much I liked it. The kind of not open mouth kiss, but it's like one lip at a time. In thinking about this kiss, I have realized that this anonymous kisser is possibly the best kisser I've ever kissed. He gives the softest, most loving, innocent kisses ever, even though he's not the most innocent. I think it has to do with those intoxicating chocolate brown eyes. [and I am intensely hoping he will NEVER read this to know I think about him this much.]
Also, yesterday was the first night of One Act Plays. They went really well, even though I didn't understand the one of them. The first was about old ladies falling in love with a younger man. I can fully understand their affection for this "younger man" because I had the biggest crush ever on him. Okay, I have :3
Hmm...do we get quizilla on school computers?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
I Miss My Big Brother.
I'm usually very easy to please. Little things make me intensely happy, like this blog has been making my day since I started it. Even though I'm the only one who reads it. However, as easy as it is to make my mood, it's as easy to break it. More than likely, it was a comment or just a small, miniscule action. I'm easy to bring down, is the point.
Recently though, I've been doing great, as long as I'm not thinking about the only depressing thing I actually can currently say. That of course, would be my loneliness for my cousin Jon. By this point, he's not even my cousin. He's my big brother, literally. Meaning I can be mad at him, he can bug the crap out of me at points.
Usually when people use the term "big brother" or "little sister" or something, they use it in the wrong way. I don't get along with my brother at all. In fact, I broke his arm when I was six. That's not important though. People use it for close friends, like my best guy friend Brybry. He calls me his sister, he's my big brother. I don't fight with him though. I never disobey or get mad at him. Therefore, this term is inaccurate.
And even if Brybry was effectively my "big brother", he wouldn't be able to replace Jon. I don't think anyone ever can to me. Jon, I think, was the first person I've ever actually really cared for, not counting my mom or anything.
I remember this one night, we were out til the sun came up. He bought me wawa: a soda and a sandwich. I then proceeded to spill the soda on the sandwich, but at two a.m., I was hungry enough to eat it. I remember the Jimmy Eat World playing, which reminds me of the Jimmy Eat World shirt I got him the one Christmas. I didn't have money, so I had to return one of my presents in order to get it for him. It was worth it.
I never thought he'd actually leave. I mean, he lived in our basement for such a long time. I got so used to him being around. I just never thought he'd be happier anywhere else, cause I was never happier at my house.
He's in Florida, with my aunt Alice and a few of my cousins. Jon, though, is the only one I feel for particularly. Not that I don't love my family...it's just...
...I miss my big brother.
Recently though, I've been doing great, as long as I'm not thinking about the only depressing thing I actually can currently say. That of course, would be my loneliness for my cousin Jon. By this point, he's not even my cousin. He's my big brother, literally. Meaning I can be mad at him, he can bug the crap out of me at points.
Usually when people use the term "big brother" or "little sister" or something, they use it in the wrong way. I don't get along with my brother at all. In fact, I broke his arm when I was six. That's not important though. People use it for close friends, like my best guy friend Brybry. He calls me his sister, he's my big brother. I don't fight with him though. I never disobey or get mad at him. Therefore, this term is inaccurate.
And even if Brybry was effectively my "big brother", he wouldn't be able to replace Jon. I don't think anyone ever can to me. Jon, I think, was the first person I've ever actually really cared for, not counting my mom or anything.
I remember this one night, we were out til the sun came up. He bought me wawa: a soda and a sandwich. I then proceeded to spill the soda on the sandwich, but at two a.m., I was hungry enough to eat it. I remember the Jimmy Eat World playing, which reminds me of the Jimmy Eat World shirt I got him the one Christmas. I didn't have money, so I had to return one of my presents in order to get it for him. It was worth it.
I never thought he'd actually leave. I mean, he lived in our basement for such a long time. I got so used to him being around. I just never thought he'd be happier anywhere else, cause I was never happier at my house.
He's in Florida, with my aunt Alice and a few of my cousins. Jon, though, is the only one I feel for particularly. Not that I don't love my family...it's just...
...I miss my big brother.
What Not To Do When You Like Someone.
Being a hormone driven teenager, I can fully agree when I say I have liked my fair share of people. I mean, I'm fifteen. Guys are hot. I'm one of those people that see potential in everyone. Meaning, I've pretty much had a crush on every guy I've met. I'm not desperate, though. Crushes don't necessarily mean I like them like them.
I can tell you what not to do when you like someone, though, through experience. I'm an all around friendly person. I like to be friends with everyone. Along with that friendliness, I'm kind of too trusting. Not meaning I tell everyone I meet my secrets, definitely not that. I just...trust people.
And recently, this one person that I really trusted absolutely betrayed me. Anyone who knows me knows I'm quite the affectionate girl. I like affection, closeness, I'm clingy. It gets me in trouble a lot, but I can't really change it. It's just the way I act. This ex-friend of mine told my best friend's PREGNANT girlfriend that he asked me out. Of course, he didn't. He's not like that. We aren't like that. But for some reason, this so called "friend" of mine decided to straight out lie to her.
Worst of all, he'd been telling me how much he still liked me earlier in the day! He's liked me since February. I guess some kind of...process in his brain told him that if he could get rid of my guy best friend, that he had a better chance of being with me.
Well, sorry to him, but it definitely did not help his case. I flipped out, which is something I never ever ever do. I told him he didn't know anything about me, and what goes on in my friendships. The next day, he texted me, while I was still absolutely mad at him, and he was all "I forgive you. You had every reason to flip out."
I'm sitting there, completely lost. I didn't want to be forgiven. I'm not sorry, and I don't think I ever will be. Even if we get over this whole trust thing, I won't be sorry for that. He deserved it.
The most painful part here, is that my bestfriend had to tell me. His girlfriend called him or texted him or whatever about me. "Creepermuffinstalkerguy" still talks to my best friend. I don't think "CMSG" knows that his girlfriend told him.
The moral of my story, is pretty much, when you like someone, don't let premature thoughts come in the way of what could be a friendship. Like "CMSG", who acted without thinking through, you should not use force either.
See? I learned something from Gandhi in History.
I can tell you what not to do when you like someone, though, through experience. I'm an all around friendly person. I like to be friends with everyone. Along with that friendliness, I'm kind of too trusting. Not meaning I tell everyone I meet my secrets, definitely not that. I just...trust people.
And recently, this one person that I really trusted absolutely betrayed me. Anyone who knows me knows I'm quite the affectionate girl. I like affection, closeness, I'm clingy. It gets me in trouble a lot, but I can't really change it. It's just the way I act. This ex-friend of mine told my best friend's PREGNANT girlfriend that he asked me out. Of course, he didn't. He's not like that. We aren't like that. But for some reason, this so called "friend" of mine decided to straight out lie to her.
Worst of all, he'd been telling me how much he still liked me earlier in the day! He's liked me since February. I guess some kind of...process in his brain told him that if he could get rid of my guy best friend, that he had a better chance of being with me.
Well, sorry to him, but it definitely did not help his case. I flipped out, which is something I never ever ever do. I told him he didn't know anything about me, and what goes on in my friendships. The next day, he texted me, while I was still absolutely mad at him, and he was all "I forgive you. You had every reason to flip out."
I'm sitting there, completely lost. I didn't want to be forgiven. I'm not sorry, and I don't think I ever will be. Even if we get over this whole trust thing, I won't be sorry for that. He deserved it.
The most painful part here, is that my bestfriend had to tell me. His girlfriend called him or texted him or whatever about me. "Creepermuffinstalkerguy" still talks to my best friend. I don't think "CMSG" knows that his girlfriend told him.
The moral of my story, is pretty much, when you like someone, don't let premature thoughts come in the way of what could be a friendship. Like "CMSG", who acted without thinking through, you should not use force either.
See? I learned something from Gandhi in History.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Why I Don't Like Weekends.
I'm guessing every one has "their place." That place where everything just seems right. Nothing is wrong, and no one is judging you. Maybe it's in your room, alone with just your stuffed animals. Maybe it's in the most crowded section of WalMart, so you just feel like a part of something.
My place is my Creative Writing class. Monday through Friday, that class is why I bother to go to school. I don't even know why I chose it. Sure, I love writing. I could've taken Journalism or Foods or something. All I can say, is whatever reason I had for choosing this class, I am thankful for.
My teacher is possibly one of the coolest people I've met. I know some people could disagree [*cough*brybry*cough*], but I have no idea why. In all honesty, I see a little bit of me in her. She's fun, caring, and really cool. Not to mention, she has the same kind of emotional span. I won't elaborate on what that means or how I know that, but it's true.
That class is full of some of the best people I have ever met. I have never been able to be so...non-judgemental before in my life. I mean, half those kids are fucked up. There is something deep, dark, and painful about every single one of us. [except maybe Doug and Joe Grogg, but their writing is fine without our Darkish outlook]. For instance, we'll take one of my favorite writers. He likes to use big words. Phancy Phrases. He's been through some shtuff. I won't lie. Je--I mean, "Favorite Writer Guy" really does make my life seem more happy.
It's like, in that class, no one has a reason to be scared to share or tell or cry or anything. That class isn't even about writing to me. It's about self expression in general. I could walk in that class happy as a frickingg...pogo stick on cocaine, and share it with everyone. I could walk in there as depressed as...a pogo stick with no more cocaine [ )': ] and share and everyone would help.
My home isn't my place of serenity. It's like...anti serene. In creative writing, though, surrounded by people just like me, just the opposite, and everyone in between, I've found where it's okay to be Kim and have real feelings.
...and I know where to get phone service :3
<3
My place is my Creative Writing class. Monday through Friday, that class is why I bother to go to school. I don't even know why I chose it. Sure, I love writing. I could've taken Journalism or Foods or something. All I can say, is whatever reason I had for choosing this class, I am thankful for.
My teacher is possibly one of the coolest people I've met. I know some people could disagree [*cough*brybry*cough*], but I have no idea why. In all honesty, I see a little bit of me in her. She's fun, caring, and really cool. Not to mention, she has the same kind of emotional span. I won't elaborate on what that means or how I know that, but it's true.
That class is full of some of the best people I have ever met. I have never been able to be so...non-judgemental before in my life. I mean, half those kids are fucked up. There is something deep, dark, and painful about every single one of us. [except maybe Doug and Joe Grogg, but their writing is fine without our Darkish outlook]. For instance, we'll take one of my favorite writers. He likes to use big words. Phancy Phrases. He's been through some shtuff. I won't lie. Je--I mean, "Favorite Writer Guy" really does make my life seem more happy.
It's like, in that class, no one has a reason to be scared to share or tell or cry or anything. That class isn't even about writing to me. It's about self expression in general. I could walk in that class happy as a frickingg...pogo stick on cocaine, and share it with everyone. I could walk in there as depressed as...a pogo stick with no more cocaine [ )': ] and share and everyone would help.
My home isn't my place of serenity. It's like...anti serene. In creative writing, though, surrounded by people just like me, just the opposite, and everyone in between, I've found where it's okay to be Kim and have real feelings.
...and I know where to get phone service :3
<3
Are We Really That Technologically Dependent?
Well, apparently, today was one of those un-inspiring days. I mean, sure, it's Mother's Day. Yay Moms! But, sorry guys, you aren't the most amazing to write about. I couldn't even get a poem down. So, by the end of the THIRD walk I took today, I sat on my front porch. I watched the grass sway back and forth, the birds talk and play sweetly. I watched each car roll by, slowly along the painfully straight stretch of road. Still, nothing came to me.
My dad, being the anti-technologist that he is, decided to come rag on me about listening to my iPod and texting at the same time. According to him, 'I'm too technologically dependent' and 'I don't have any friends in real life. Just phone numbers'. I usually don't listen to my dad, ask anyone who knows me. But for some reason, this one stuck. It made me think...are we too technologically dependent?
I text a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean around sixteen thousand. At least, that was last month's number. I can barely make it through a class period without texting, even my favorite classes. The only class I don't text in is Health. One, because McGough is completely evil, and two, because I don't get any reception. I'm pretty sure if there was reception, I'd get over my fear of her, and text away.
Not to mention my almost compulsive attachment to my iPod, whose name is Adam. He's gorgeous, a white thirty gig video. I'm absolutely in love with him, hence the "almost compulsive" attachment. Eighteen out of the twenty hours i'm conscious, I'm listening to music. More than likely, music you haven't heard of, like The High Court and Bedlight for Blue Eyes. It's just the way I work. [currently, though, I'm having an old Mayday Parade phase. "One Man Drinking Games" is just...wow]
If any of us really watch the news anymore, because I don't, we would see various stories of car crashes and now bus and train accidents due to texting and iPod fidgeting. I mean, I can understand iPod fidgeting while driving. Some songs just aren't driving songs, I get that. Texting, though? Why do we need to text and drive? I'm almost certain whoever could possibly be texting would much rather have you alive to text them the next day than dead to reply that second.
I may text and be plugged into Adam constantly, but Mix CDs and Silence settings are there for a reason. Don't be stupid.
My dad, being the anti-technologist that he is, decided to come rag on me about listening to my iPod and texting at the same time. According to him, 'I'm too technologically dependent' and 'I don't have any friends in real life. Just phone numbers'. I usually don't listen to my dad, ask anyone who knows me. But for some reason, this one stuck. It made me think...are we too technologically dependent?
I text a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean around sixteen thousand. At least, that was last month's number. I can barely make it through a class period without texting, even my favorite classes. The only class I don't text in is Health. One, because McGough is completely evil, and two, because I don't get any reception. I'm pretty sure if there was reception, I'd get over my fear of her, and text away.
Not to mention my almost compulsive attachment to my iPod, whose name is Adam. He's gorgeous, a white thirty gig video. I'm absolutely in love with him, hence the "almost compulsive" attachment. Eighteen out of the twenty hours i'm conscious, I'm listening to music. More than likely, music you haven't heard of, like The High Court and Bedlight for Blue Eyes. It's just the way I work. [currently, though, I'm having an old Mayday Parade phase. "One Man Drinking Games" is just...wow]
If any of us really watch the news anymore, because I don't, we would see various stories of car crashes and now bus and train accidents due to texting and iPod fidgeting. I mean, I can understand iPod fidgeting while driving. Some songs just aren't driving songs, I get that. Texting, though? Why do we need to text and drive? I'm almost certain whoever could possibly be texting would much rather have you alive to text them the next day than dead to reply that second.
I may text and be plugged into Adam constantly, but Mix CDs and Silence settings are there for a reason. Don't be stupid.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A Day In The Life
definitely not a day to remember. well, at least not so far. i woke up too early, as usual, and didn't sleep the night through. that's usually how i roll, though, so i'm used to it. i dyed my hair too early this morning, and i think all the ammonia kind of got to me. at least i'm out of the house, and at my mother's somewhat calming and serene workplace. i'm pretty sure it's only so nice because no one except for my mom and i are here.
it doesn't matter. i have a dance tonight, and i'm going with my ex boyfriend, and close friend. it's interesting, seeing as one year ago to the day is when he asked me out. strangely enough, he bought my ticket and is coming to pick me up and bring me home. it's actually kind of awkward. i think i'll talk my mom into picking me up, and possibly bringing brybry home. in fact, i'd much rather be going with him, as friends, of course. he's more interesting. and i feel like striing up a much too deep conversation.
hmm...what is the meaning of life?
it doesn't matter. i have a dance tonight, and i'm going with my ex boyfriend, and close friend. it's interesting, seeing as one year ago to the day is when he asked me out. strangely enough, he bought my ticket and is coming to pick me up and bring me home. it's actually kind of awkward. i think i'll talk my mom into picking me up, and possibly bringing brybry home. in fact, i'd much rather be going with him, as friends, of course. he's more interesting. and i feel like striing up a much too deep conversation.
hmm...what is the meaning of life?
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